you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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