I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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