I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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