i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
