She's JV to your varsity
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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