She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
PANTIES FOUND
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