So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
