You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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