Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
