Dual....:-)
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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