I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
