I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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