When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
two words: eviction party
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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