How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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