i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
