I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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