haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
