That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
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