she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
