I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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