I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Are my feet made of real feet?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
