So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
