So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Terrible idea I love it
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
