On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
