you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
