ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Is it because I queefed?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
