she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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