A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
My life is pants optional.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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