We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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