it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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