omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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