He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize