I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
