I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
