new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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