xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
