it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
