dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
