My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
