DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
