so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
