you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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