she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
