you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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