My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I think I sprained my soul last night
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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