my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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