Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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