Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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