so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize