How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
