ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
