Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
