I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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