he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
