I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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