im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
time to smoke my breakfast
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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