No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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