would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
