your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
There's always time for handjobs
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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