yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
