im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
