dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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