I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
