The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
