mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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