The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
