The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
