im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
