she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize