well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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