Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
