Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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