Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
