well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
