Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
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