You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
