Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize