I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
