I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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